Guys, Dubai has a
dark side. And it’s totally not going to be addressed in this
article. Instead, we’re going to focus on the city’s insane
wealth. The largest city in the United Arab Emirates, Dubai was once
a sleepy fishing village that was transformed into the Las Vegas of
the Middle East (sans any of the actual fun) thanks to the discovery
of vast oil resources in the 1960s. If you ever make your way to
Dubai, the way money is thrown around becomes immediately apparent.
Here’s a look at some of the craziest ways the City of Gold flaunts
its wealth.
1. Fleet of
Lamborghini Police Cars
In my hometown of
Davenport, Iowa, the police drive around in Fords. It doesn’t get
any more modest than that, right? But in Dubai, the cops patrol the
streets courtesy of powerful Lamborghinis, with each costing around
$333,000 each! Question time: if you’re planning to get involved in
a 200 mph police chase, should you do it in Davenport or Dubai? The
answer, of course, is neither. Please.
2. Impossibly
Expensive Tires
Looking to get from
Santa Fe to Albuquerque? If you’re too lazy to walk the 23 hour
distance, you could always opt to drive. It only takes about an hour.
A set of reliable Goodyear tires cost around $600, so your budget can
probably handle it. But people in Dubai laugh at the absurdity of
spending a few dollars for tires. That’s why Zenises Ltd offers a
set of gold and diamond-embedded tires for a mind-blowing $600,000!
Alternatively, with that kind of money you could send your first
child to Yale for 4 years, the second to Harvard, and still have
money left over to send the youngest to Wisconsin. Sucks to be the
youngest.
3. Luxurious
Hotels
When a hotel boasts
how many stars it has, it’s best to take it with a grain of salt.
After all, there is no universal standard for determining how stars
get rewarded. Case in point: The Burj Al Arab Jumeirah (the one
shaped like a sailboat, if you care to know) went ahead and declared
itself the world’s only “7 star” hotel because why not? In
fairness, they do offer beachside butler service when getting up to
pour yourself a glass of pineapple juice is beneath your dignity,
Mr./Ms. DeepPockets. For $24,000 a night, you can stay in their most
expensive suite. Do keep in mind that for 8 of those hours, you’ll
be in a deep sleep! Oh no! So to maximize your enjoyment, might we
suggest drinking a few pots of coffee?
4. Fancy Traffic
Jams
When you’re
driving to work in London or Chicago, you’ll see your share of
Bentleys and think, “Hmm. Impressive.” But then you get to Dubai
and see a Bentley, you feel sorry for the driver and hope that he/she
will overcome their financial struggles. Limited edition Bugattis,
Porsche Spyders and Ferrari Whatever They Call Their Most Expensive
Models, are the rule on the road, not the exception. So if you’re
going to get stuck, you might as well enjoy the turbo-charged eye
candy that you share the road with.
5. High-end
Cocktails
If you’re looking
to get buzzed on a Wednesday night (to celebrate Hump Day,
obviously!), you could opt for something classy like a 40oz of Olde
English for only $2.99. But if you’ve got money to burn, you could
do worse than the city’s most expensive cocktail. Made with
Macallan single-batch Scotch whiskey that has been aged for 55 years
and prepared with homemade passion fruit sugar (and with ice imported
from Scotland because apparently frozen water tastes more delicious
up there?), it will cost you 8 grand. But you do get to keep the
18-carat gold glass that it’s served in so that you will always
remember the day you spent $8000 to get a little bit drunk.
6. A Cupcake that
Costs as Much as a Pair of iPhone 11s
Got a sweet tooth
but tired of those Little Debbie Snack Cakes? Never! But perhaps
you’d like an outrageously expensive dessert to go along with it.
The Bloomsbury Cupcake Shop in the Dubai Mall can fix you up with
cupcake that’s wrapped in 23 carat gold for the tidy sum of $1,200.
While you’re at it, why not just buy a dozen and pass them out to
coworkers on your birthday so that they’ll stop picking on you?
7. Gold Bar ATM
machines
Most establishments
these days accept credit/debit cards, but from time to time you still
encounter little mom-and-pop cafes that only accept checks and cold
hard cash. The only solution is to march down to the nearest ATM
machine that dispenses gold bars. After all, mediocre coffee and cake
can’t wait. Oh, your town doesn’t have a gold bar ATM machine?
Well, sorry to know you live like a hobo. But fear not; just fly to
Dubai and purchase gold bars from the ATM machine ‘til your heart’s
content!
8. Fly First-First-First Class
Unless you’re a bird, insect or…um…the kind of squirrel that flies, you’re going to need to buy a ticket if you want to travel by air. For most of us, this means searching for the cheapest flight possible so that you can sit next to somebody who hogs the shared armrest or in front of an adorable toddler who enhances the traveling experience by forcefully kicking the back of your seat for hours on end. Well, for only $30,000, you can eliminate these nuisances by getting your own private suite on the Emirates Airlines flight from LA to Dubai. Yes, for the price of a very decent car, you get round trip tickets, access to a private cocktail lounge (with its own dedicated bartender), and even shower facilities because you smell. They even throw in “free” door-to-door chauffeur service because, let’s be honest, who can put a price on generosity?
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