8 Symbols of Pride that Make America What it Is

Friends, America is
kind of a controversial subject. In fact, the mere fact that we call
our country “America” and its citizens “Americans” is seen by
our South American neighbors as proof of our supposed arrogance. But
in fairness, when the word “America” comes to mind, who pictures
Argentina or Uruguay? Nobody, okay? The US isn’t a perfect country
by any means. But on the other hand, there are those who insist that
America never does anything right, which is also complete BS. In
fact, there are plenty of awesome things that Americans should
justifiable be proud of. Here is a look at eight of them!

1. Pumpkin Spice
Lattes

For some people,
coffee with a splash of milk will suffice. But we Americans laugh at
your silly, simple methods of enjoying a cup java! Hahahaha! We are
nothing if not indulgent and a bit over-the-top. This is why every
fall, millions of coffee-drinkers go bananas when a Seattle-based
coffee chain that shall remain nameless (no it won’t. It’s
Starbucks) brings out its Pumpkin Spice Latte!!! It’s available at
their locations everywhere in the world, of course. But it’s
America that made it possible. USA #1 YEAH!!!

2. American
Football

When most of the
world attempts to watch American football, they sort of scratch their
heads and think, “So one guy in a helmet and pads hikes the ball to
another guy in a helmet and pads who proceeds to hand it off to a
third guy in the helmet and pads who proceeds to run a couple of
meters, and then falls down. That’s what passes for sport across
the pond?” You better believe it does!!! Every Saturday in the
fall, 100,000 fans cram into stadiums across America to watch a bunch
of 18 year-old college students engage in a battle to see who can
kick, throw and run spheroid-shaped ball around the field for 60
minutes. We’re the only country that truly follows this sport
(because in my universe, Canada doesn’t exist), and we don’t care
what anybody else thinks, all right?

3. Fast Food

McDonalds. Pizza
Hut. Subway. KFC (or as a former roommate from Ukraine called it “the
one with the old guy”). America. America. America. America. There
isn’t anything we won’t deep fry, or throw onto a pizza, or stuff
into a sandwich. You’re probably reading this article while waiting
for your cheese-crust taco pizza to arrive, yeah? Whoa. You seriously
are??? And I was only trying to make a joke!

4. The Statue of
Liberty

Quick, what’s the
first thing you see when you arrive in America? Okay, it’s
McDonalds. Pizza Hut. Subway. KFC. But if you’re an immigrant who
travels old school via TransAtlantic ship, you are greeted by the
Statue of Liberty once you arrive at the shores of New York City! The
largest statue in the US, standing at 151 feet, Lady Liberty says,
“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to
breathe free.” President Piss Mop adds, “But only if you’re
from Norway.”

5. Disney

Who’s the leader of
the club that’s made for you and me? M-I-C-K-E-Y
M-O-U-S-E!!! If he ever ran for president, I’m confident
that he’d win. We elected a cartoon character as president in 2016,
so there’s no reason why it can’t happen again. Disney Empire is
the epitome of American badassery. Whether we’re talking about the
best amusement parks in the world, Star Wars, or the Marvel Universe,
in the end we all bow to Disney, our Entertainment Overlords.

6. Red, White and
Blue Flags

Red, white and blue
national flags are fairly common around the world. It’s the color
of the French flag. And the UK. Oh, and Australia. Russia, Czech
Republic. Norway. Serbia. Chile. The list goes on and on. But none of
these flags are as red, white and blue as the American flag!!! Our
flag also features 50 kick-ass stars! By contrast, the Chilean flag
only has one star! That’s so lame!

7. Cowboys

When my father
landed in the US for the first time back in the 1970s to start
college, he had this idea that all Americans wore cowboy hats. Sadly,
this is not true and as Americans we should be ashamed of ourselves
for not doing more to make this a reality. But in any event, riding a
horse while rounding up cattle and challenging somebody to a duel
outside of the saloon for looking at you funny is what makes ‘Merica
‘Merica!!!

8. Mount Rushmore

If you have ever made the misguided decision to visit South Dakota, you know there are really only a few things you can do there: watch the wind blow, watch the wind blow some more, and laugh at North Dakota from a safe distance. And once you’ve had your fun, you might as well check out Mount Rushmore. Called the “Shrine of Democracy” (from back in the charming days when democracy was still a thing) this sculpture in the Black Hills featuring the faces of presidents George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and Theodore Roosevelt. I once told a friend who had visited Mount Rushmore that the faces formed naturally in the granite after years of erosion. She was like, “Really?” “Nope,” I replied. But nothing is impossible in America.